Whether your child is 4 years old or 14, chances are you\u2019ve had more than a few school clothing arguments. Maybe your son wants to wear his Superman cape to kindergarten. Maybe your daughter insists on buying tops in garish colors. Whatever the cause, it can be draining if you and your child are clashing frequently\u2014especially if it\u2019s happening first thing in the morning or delaying the bedtime routine.<\/p>\n
Carleton Kendrick, a social worker and family therapist, has another perspective for parents: Think critically and carefully about what\u2019s behind the school clothing arguments. Does the wardrobe choice create a health issue or conflict with your family\u2019s core values? If not, you might just let it go.<\/p>\n
In other words: Pick your battles. You and your child will probably disagree over school clothing plenty of times, so save the fight for when it really matters.<\/p>\n
Kendrick says many common battles are about school clothing choices that don\u2019t match or look silly in the parents\u2019 eyes. \u201cSome of these conflicts are rooted in the parents\u2019 choices of how they dress, and the perceived rejection of that if the child dresses a different way,\u201d he explains. \u201cA child\u2019s need to dress himself is part of their growing sense of autonomy that needs to be listened to and respected.\u201d<\/p>\n
As the parent, you have a lot of say about how your child presents himself. To help decide whether a fashion disagreement should be treated as a more important conflict, think about these key questions.<\/p>\n
Is my child\u2019s safety or health at risk?<\/strong> It makes sense to keep kids from wearing baggy jeans that might get snagged in a bicycle chain.<\/p>\n Is the clothing itself really the problem, or is it a symptom of something else?<\/strong> Maybe it\u2019s difficult to see your kids growing up so fast, Kendrick says. Or maybe their school clothing choices are a kind of rebellion. Some parents might also find it difficult to handle \u201cpushback\u201d from their children over questions of control.<\/p>\n Are my objections really just a style preference?<\/strong> You can\u2019t stand stirrup pants, but your daughter loves them because they stay tucked into her socks. Fluorescent green\u2014your son\u2019s favorite color\u2014makes your eyes hurt. Or, really, a mullet hairdo?<\/p>\n Is my main concern what other people think?<\/strong> This hits a visceral spot for moms and dads, who might worry that others will view them as bad parents based on how their child looks. Instead, remind yourself that it\u2019s important to your child: \u201cObviously my child cares about this. He or she put on the clothes,\u201d Kendrick says.<\/p>\n Is the clothing inappropriate for the setting or activity?<\/strong> There might be nothing inherently wrong with your child\u2019s favorite pair of sweatpants; on the other hand, if they violate the dress code, then wearing them to school might be a concern. Similarly, if today is arts and crafts day, then the frilly princess dress isn\u2019t the best option.<\/p>\n Are my child\u2019s clothes in violation of our family\u2019s \u201crules\u201d?<\/strong> \u201cIt comes under \u2018What does our family stand for?\u2019\u201d Kendrick says. \u201c\u2018Am I [the parent] being asked to compromise and\/or ignore my own beliefs?\u2019\u201d That might mean inappropriate language printed on a T-shirt is unacceptable, for instance, but it should be separated out from the larger issue of style.<\/p>\n Do the benefits my child sees in dressing this way outweigh the negatives that I see?<\/strong> \u201cFor that to be answered, you really need to put yourself in your child\u2019s emotional shoes,\u201d Kendrick says. \u201cKnowing [your child] as you do, do the pluses outweigh your perceived negatives?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBefore we even say \u2018This is a conflict,\u2019 the parent needs to ask, \u2018Why am I so bothered by this?\u2019\u201d Kendrick says. \u201cIn the long run\u2014not just this weekend\u2014this will foster, maintain, and nurture the relationship with your child.\u201d<\/p>\n The most important part of any parent-child conversation (about fashion, music, or anything else) is to ask open-ended, nonjudgmental questions. Keep the focus on the style and its appeal rather than on your child. And above all, don\u2019t forget those times your own parents thought your style choices looked silly\u2014they might even have a few pictures to prove it.<\/p>\n \u201cMessage\u201d \/ Image Tees<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cIf any words or graphics represented do not represent the values that your family holds, then you have every right as a parent not to allow your child to wear that,\u201d Kendrick says. But, he adds, \u201cI always think it\u2019s nice to offer a plan B. \u2018It can\u2019t be this, but let\u2019s see what it can be.\u2019\u201d For example, look for tops similar in overall style\u2014rhinestones, rock band, etc.\u2014without the offensive images or language.<\/p>\n Distressed Jeans<\/strong><\/p>\n If jeans with frayed edges and torn sections just aren\u2019t your thing, consider asking your child to save up to purchase them on her own. To address modesty concerns look for a pair with its tears and rips in less provocative spots, such as right above or below the knee. For issues about the jeans being appropriate for the setting or activity, suggest that your child bring the pants along and change into them afterward. But, it might also be a matter of your child accepting that it\u2019s the wrong time, wrong place to wear them\u2014for example, if it violates a family rule to \u201cshow the appropriate respect for who you\u2019re with and who you\u2019re visiting,\u201d Kendrick says.<\/p>\n Hairstyles<\/strong><\/p>\n Because experimenting with haircuts and hairstyles has minimal health risks, Kendrick thinks it\u2019s OK to give kids relatively free reign. \u201cBut that does not mean parents are prohibited from expressing their lack of support,\u201d he says. \u201cIt is not unkind to say what your opinion is about the response they\u2019ll get…or, \u2018I think there are different ways to wear your hair or to color your hair that would be more appealing for you.\u2019\u201d The key to making this stance work, however, is to share your opinion once, then let it go unless your child brings it up again.<\/p>\n Choosing What Fits Well<\/strong><\/p>\n Parents should draw the line at school clothing that\u2019s so tight or so baggy, they raise issues of modesty. If the concern is more about how flattering the fit is, however, Kendrick suggests discussing what your child likes about the item in a tone of voice akin to asking \u201cWhat would you like for dinner?\u201d For example, \u201cThat top is pretty tight. What do you like about it?\u201d or \u201cI think that top, in a less tight style, would be more appealing.\u201d<\/p>\n For garments that are too revealing, one popular compromise is layering. For instance, a short skirt or dress can go over leggings, and a low-cut or strappy tank can combine with another tank or top underneath.<\/p>\n School clothing arguments can be taxing on everyone involved. Understanding the balance between what school clothing choices might truly be inappropriate and what\u2019s simply irritating to the parent can help both parents and children determine the right boundaries and decrease how often school clothing arguments occur.<\/p>\n Originally posted in 2010 and updated regularly.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fights about school clothes can happen frequently. Use these strategies to cut down on the fuss (and even to decide when the argument might not be worth the trouble).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":65,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[5,6],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCommon School Clothing Arguments<\/h3>\n